MANNERS

ETIQUETTE

TABLE MANNERS

Social etiquette for the well-bred woman

Social standing and ones place in society was everything int he medieval world. One might hope to advance through material gains but had little hope to do so without the correct courtesy and manners. Manners could make or break a person and lack of them could certainly get you relieved of your life. A woman was always expected to be the epitome of good manners no matter what her status in life and the higher a woman was born, the more essential it was for her to act appropriately. Manners which were appropriate for a man were not always appropriate for a woman. Indeed it was completely unseemly that a woman swear for any reason whatsoever. It would bring great shame upon her father or husband.

Women were instructed to be gracious in their deporture and not wriggle their shoulders. Hair was almost certainly to be covered in one of the latest fashions outside the house. For a great deal of the medieval period, to go out with a bare head when one was not a child would have a woman marked as a prostitute. Unless one was a washerwoman or a engaged in manual labour, the same could have been said for arms. They were never bare. If a gown with wide sleeves was worn, then another with close fitted sleeves was worn under it to prevent this happening. A woman's neckline may be low, as low as her armpits, but no lower.

When out in society, is was important that a woman's hands not be touched by a man who is not of her family. Hand-holding was quite inappropriate. When traveling outside the home, it was acceptable for any woman to walk arm in arm with her female companion or a male member of her family. A woman of good breeding did not venture out alone. A working woman or a mother in a small peasant household may have cause to go out alone, but only when unavoidable. Where possible, she would send a son on an errand on her behalf or seek the security of another woman's company when going to the bakehouse or to the creek for washing.

A woman who entered a conversation with a stranger would only gain herself a bad reputation and to accept a kiss from a male friend or acquaintance or from a man who is not related by blood or marriage, even on the cheek, would have had tongues wagging and have ruined a woman's reputation. In the middle ages, a woman's reputation was everything.

One must never address a social superior first, especially if one was a woman, and an appropriate greeting must be given. It was considered the height of rudeness to avert your gaze to a man or woman who ranked higher than oneself. Honesty was judged by the directness in the eyes and to hide ones face was interpreted as dishonesty and ill-intent.

It was also unthinkable for a woman to turn her back on a social superior. She should wait for the person to pass or have removed herself from the room backwards.

When introducing a person, should there have been no man to do it for her, convention dictated that a woman must introduce the highest rank to the lowest and then vice versa. This is still true for introductions today. An error in the order of introduction could have been a grave insult indeed.

Should a woman have found herself in the company of important people and another important one arrive, she must bow and move away to permit the newcomer the privilege of standing closer. It was always better to err on the side of caution in this regard as it was better to appear humble and meek than ill-mannered and rude.

When a woman entered the house or room of a person of equal standing, a woman ought bow. If of higher standing, she must kneel on the right knee. Should she have been presented to the Queen, she knelt at the door, entered only halfway and knelt again. Only if she was motioned further might she have gone closer.

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